Found my original draft of this article from 2010, if anyone cares.
A new protocol for stupidity I intend to implement effective immediately Because sharing is caring, I leave this here as a handy reference for others (Guido et al).
In no particular order of importance:
1. Begin correcting people on inappropriate use of your and you're as well as their, they're, and there when they were already using them correctly and in fact my "correction" will be the mistake.
2. CAPS LOCK IS STILL CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. BUT I REALIZE NOW IT HAS IT'S* LIMITATIONS. IT CAN'T BE OVERUSED AS IT IS A VERY HEAVY HANDED WAY TO GO ABOUT THINGS. YOU DON'T USE A BAZOOKA AS A FLY SWATTER.
*[please note the inappropriate use of an apostrophe; subtle, but deliberate. More on this later.]
3. Make a post, then wait 30 seconds and make the same post under the pretense that the server was lagging and I accidentally submitted the initial post twice to compensate.
4. This one is tough but I intend to use as little punctuation as possible while still using punctuation; inappropriately, Run on sentences are encouraged. but not required. Bonus points for: style
5. Contextually ambiguous pronouns muddy even the clearest of dialogues. Verb confusion is another favorite. I also intend to use words improperly (wrong meaning) as well as inappropriately (in poor taste). If I can, I'll even try to use improper functions, i.e., adjectives as nouns. But this will be reserved for polysyllabic words—understandable mistakes.
6. Use a ridiculously large image in my signature, one that won't even fit on the page, if possible. The idea being I am both unfamiliar with the resizing feature now offered on virtually all image hosting sites and unaware of how obnoxious this behavior is.
7. At some point I'll need to pick a minority and develop an innately irrational prejudice. I like gays a lot because you can go in a lot of different directions, namely whatever is most inappropriate to the discussion at the time. E.g., someone says "I took my kids to the park today," and I respond by how sickened I am by public displays of faggotry.
8. Will anyone trade their 1995 WebTV for my high end PC? I find the mouse with its many buttons and bearings intimidating. Remote controls are more familiar/less threatening
More to come.
Last edited by TeZCaTLiPoCa; 08-30-2010 at 01:16 PM. Reason: c0ck
9. Inappropriate use of emoticons. Someone will post "My dog just died" and I'll respond, "Damn, that sucks.
" The hard part is finding a way to make it look like you did this accidentally out of stupidity/ineptitude rather than intentionally out of sarcasm.
10. Responding to posts/threads that are directed specifically—either by thread title or use of the quote function—at another member, being careful not to actually answer the question itself. I don't know how many of you pay attention closely but I've actually been doing this one off and on for something like 6 months now.
11. Create a thread about "shadow people" and expect to be taken seriously. Succeed swimmingly.
12. Write exclusively in IM bastardization of the English language. Again, this is nothing new, it just needs to be taken to the next level. On a forum filled exclusively with idiots, the universal pastime seems to be to type "lol" and post it as a response without quoting what you found comical. So it looks like you're responding lol to whatever post is directly above yours even if the thing you actually laughed at was 3 pages earlier and you're now lol'ing at the announcement someone's child was just murdered and cannibalized. Actually, this is another thing I've been doing for years in the spirit of ironic stupidity, just not on DA.
13. ĽmĀŌ ĿŐŏĶ ăţ MĖ ĭm ŦŷÞīŅĢ ıŃ ŨŃıČŏĐė ŴőăĦ! ŢĦįŠ ŦąĶēŞ ă ĢŖēăŦ ĐěăĻ ōƒ ŤłmĒ ßūŤ čĬèäřĺŷ ťħīş ĩŠ ÞŘēŢŦŷ ĜőĐ ĎâMŃēĎ ƒŨČĶıŃĢ ŔēŤǻŘĐėĎ.
14. As I may have mentioned earlier, I credit optimus with being the first to really make use of thanking the dumbest posts imaginable for irony's sake. Pot Roast also did this but its unclear to me how much of it was intended as irony. I'm almost a little jealous I didn't think of this myself but I intend to make up for it by using it whenever someone types something racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, or otherwise bigoted. Also, when people conflate political and religious ideologies into one formless mass.
15. I'm sure you've seen this already but I entertain myself if no one else with non-sequitur image responses. I.e., "Holy shit! A Lion in a tree!" Until recently it didn't occur to me to use the wrong type of animal to boot, an oversight I intend to rectify in the near future.
Note: I actually used that leopard in a tree pic on Zordar's forum when he asked me to create a troll account back in 2010. Heh.
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Faux intellectualism is its own very irritating school of trolling. There's a dude named Cowpunk who could write the book on it.
If I buy you a one way ticket to Swedish welfare paradise, will you promise to never come back?" 
